So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
