you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
