He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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