i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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