Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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