Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
