peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
