Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
