Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
