the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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