Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
