4 words: hood of his car
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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