He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
