If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
cat food counts as protein by the way
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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