my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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