Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
