I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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