Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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