I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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