Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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