i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
