I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
