Me. At least after what I've been through.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
