what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
