Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
