I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
