Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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