I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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