I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
