It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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