so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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