fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Everyone says I win the strip club
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
