I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
