It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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