How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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