ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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