yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
