hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
