I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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