I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
