I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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