I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
