My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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