Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
