u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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