i permit you to call me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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