just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
