Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
