i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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