at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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