i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
