how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
