Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
