I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
