Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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